10 Time Management Tips Every Busy Parent Needs to Know

I have three small children (a six year old and wild twin boys that just turned four), I am an avid writer, volunteer in the community, and actively involved in our church. A personal question I often get is “how do you do it all?” or “how do you get everything done?” My schedule is active, yet I am not stressed or over worked. I get a great deal done because of my time management skills. These skills were not acquired overnight. It took time, study, and an objective awareness of my usage of time that led to a more organized, practical, and easy way of managing our household and my time. I want to share my tips with fellow parents so you can best optimize your time and in turn get more quality time with your family in the long run.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Know Your Hierarchy of Importance
2. Don’t Do Too Much for Your Kids
3. Keep an Organized Home
4. Let Go of Perfect
5. Delegate
6. Routines are a Must
7. Work as Though Everything was Urgent
8. Gourmet Meals are Taking a Break
9. Be Honest about Time Waste
10. Keep To-Do Lists and a Calendar

1. Know Your Hierarchy of Importance

What is most important to you in life? What is your priority? You need to decide what is most important in this life. Determine what you value most in life in order to filter obligations through your personal lens of what is important to you and your family. When you are presented with opportunities to sign up for another school committee, another group activity, or another opportunity to volunteer, you need to be able to assess whether the activity aligns with your values and priorities. You also need to assess whether the activity will take you away from some other activity that aligns with your values, obligations, and priorities.

When you say “yes” to one activity you are saying “no” to something else, because you can’t do it all. If you say “yes” to that new book club, you may be saying “no” to family dinners on that night. If your priority is to have family dinners together consistently, then the book club may not align with your values. You need to first decide what things are your priority and of highest value in your life. Then when you are presented with opportunities that take time, and they all do, you can be better equipped to determine what things you want to say “yes” to and which you want to decline.

It becomes easier to say “no” to activities when you have clearly defined values. Your obligation in life is to uphold those values and doing so will make you a happier person and better parent in the long run. If you are constantly saying “yes” to every opportunity that crosses your path you will become overworked, over-scheduled, and spread too thin. The result is a parent wound too tight and easily upset because they have to much on their plate.

2. Don’t Do Too Much for Your Kids

Many kids are involved in far too many extra curricular activities. If you value family and you want your children to develop strong family bonds with one another, it becomes challenging to make that happen when you have everyone in the family going in a different direction each night of the week. Don’t have things scheduled every night of the week. If you do, you are going to miss out on family time at home, dinners together around the table, and the down time that everyone needs.

Allow for at least several days a week where no activity takes place. You come together as a family in the home and spend time with one another. Not in separate room, but together doing things such as working together to make a meal, planning your weekends, playing board games, sitting down to dinner as a family, or just having conversations about life. Don’t miss out on life as a family by being an over-scheduled household.

If you find this season in life to be spent in the car taking kids to and from activities every single day of your life, then you probably need to assess which activities are vital and which are not. Is Suzy going to be a prima ballerina one day? Probably not, so maybe you can take a break from dance lessons for a while. She doesn’t need to be doing dance, music, karate, and a sport all that the same time. It creates too much pressure for kids and for ourselves as parents. We need down time and so do they. It is great to expose kids to different activities, but it doesn’t have to be done all at the same season or time of life. Spread activities and involvements out, so that your child doesn’t get burned out from too many activities. Every activity in which they are involved becomes your commitment as well because you are the parent. For your own sanity, don’t go overboard on extra curricular activities.

Yes, we all want our kids to be successful, but what about creating bonds and a connection within the immediate family that last a lifetime? The more time you spend just being together, outside of all those extra curricular activities, is time invested in being a family. Those bonds are so important if you want your children to have the desire to come home for the holidays as adults. Keeping them busy outside of the home is busyness that can impede on family bonding time.

I spend time with my children so that I can help teach them to be decent human beings. That is on my list of priorities far above them becoming great soccer players or accomplished piano players. Would I like the other things for them? Of course, but we only have so much time with our children in this lifetime. They become adults and move onto independent lives as adults. I want my children to be able to go out into the world and be good, decent, caring people who can make a positive impact on the world.

I work to prevent over-scheduling my kids so that we have time together as a family, so I can be the one who teaches them right from wrong, good from bad, and the life lessons that are most important to our value system. If you want to instill your values in your child, then you better spend time with them making it happen. It takes practice, repetition, and most importantly time invested in a child to make a positive impact on their character development.

3. Keep an Organized Home

Your home does not need to be perfectly well kept. Nobody has time for that. However, if you have an organized household you will find that life runs so much more smoothly. If you spend more than 10 minutes a day looking for something on a regular basis, then you are not organized enough.

You and your household need systems in place that help everyone keep track of their stuff, so it can be easily grabbed on the way out the door. Keep jackets and backpacks hung in the same place every day. Teach children that it is their responsibility to put these items where they belong from the moment they walk in the door. If they fail to comply with the rules then there should be consequences. An easy and effective consequence is losing time on their favorite form of technology. For my kids it means they lose time on their tablets for that evening.

Wallets, purses, and keys should have a specific place within the home. If they are plopped on the couch one day, on the counter another, and on your bed the next day, it becomes far too easy to misplace these items. You end up spending countless minutes searching for these needed items every day. If they are placed in the exact same place every day, then you gain back that time you would have otherwise spent searching. You also become a less frustrated individual. When you spend time searching for something you need and you are on a time crunch, it can be extremely frustrating and upsetting to not find what you need. You end up running late which sets the mood for the entire day. Don’t be the frustrated parent.

Implement a plan for where things will be placed within the home when each member of the family enters the home. Everyone enters the home and has stuff in hand, whether it’s a backpack, diaper bag, purse, coats, keys, lunch boxes, briefcases, or shoes. Think through all the things that are brought in and out of the home each day. Then pick a place for these items to be placed each day. You may need to create some organized space within the home to make this unloading each evening and reloading each morning go more smoothly. Our laundry room is our area. We utilize cubbies for each the kid’s shoes and then a coat rack for backpacks and jackets. Its not rocket science, but it will make your life much easier if everyone in the family gets with the organized home plan.

This also means the rest of your home is relatively organized. Every single thing within your dwelling should have its own home or place. For example, where are your flashlights, candles, or matches? Would you be able to easily find them in a power outage, or would you be searching through drawers? If you have a specific home for these items, for example, in a bin in your pantry that is labeled on the outside, it makes it very easy to find it when needed. When the items are used they are returned to their home after usage. For tips on implementing a bin method for organizing your home, please go to my article: The Bin Method.

Keeping an organized home is a great skill to teach your children. It takes practice, but don’t give up because you will all have a more sane and easily run household when you can find what you need when you need it. You will also save money in the long run because you aren’t purchasing secondary items because the first one is lost somewhere in some drawer or cabinet in the home.

For more tips and detailed instructions on how to live an organized life, check out 50 Ways to Make Your Home More Organized. Being more organized is the accumulation of habits and practices over time.

4. Let Go of Perfect

Too many parents put too much pressure on themselves and their children to live up to a certain standard. It’s good to have standards, but if perfect is your goal then you need to let it go. Trying to be perfect takes far too much time and energy. Sometimes getting the job done just good enough is all that is needed. Most of the time you are the only person that will notice the difference anyway.

5. Delegate

One of the biggest wastes of time in your household is you, as the parent, trying to do it all. You need to delegate. Children can be assigned chores from a very young age. If they can walk and talk, they are capable human beings. Making their beds, picking up their belongings, doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, sweeping the floors, dusting, are just some of the duties that very young children are capable of doing. If my four year old twins can do these things, then so can yours. Give them some credit. They are capable of navigating your smart phone, so don’t you think they are then capable of picking up a room of toys?

Make it clear what duties are expected from each member of the household. Post a chore chart for your children. It makes life easier for you as a parent when they can go through their daily chores and duties without you having to take the time to tell them each and every task that needs to be done. It takes time in the beginning to get them started with chores and teaching them how to do things correctly, but with practice they will soon be able to do these daily tasks independently from you. An allowance or reward system helps this fall into place more easily. Kids get with the program when they know what is expected and the rewards/consequences for completing or failing to complete their chores.

For every chore that another person in the household completes, which you used to do, is more time for you to do something else. Freeing up time is a gift to yourself. You are also investing in your childrebecome better, more self sufficient humans when they have a role and responsibilities in the home. Don’t take that away from them. Give them daily chores and allow yourself some flexibility to get other things complete in the meantime.

If you can afford hired help in one or two areas, such as some babysitting or house cleaning you are also delegating. Getting help is not a weakness, it is striking a balance to keep the household running smoothly and harmoniously. Look at how to best spend the money you have to delegate so that you are freeing up time and energy for yourself in the manner that best fits your needs.

6. Routines are a Must

Routines are the lifeblood of the household. If you have a daily schedule that is regular and consistent you will find that your household runs more smoothly and efficiently. When you create household routines try to stick with them. This will help your household in managing time expectations.

Kids have internal clocks. They can adapt to a routine and stick with it more easily when you are consistent with the schedule. Bed times should be the same each night. School days should also have a consistent morning schedule from waking up to getting out the door. If you feel rushed every morning, then you need to get everyone to bed earlier and get up earlier until you find the time that works best for completing all that needs to be done in the morning.

7. Work as Though Everything was Urgent

This is one of the best ways that I get things done in our home. I don’t complete tasks slowly. Once I set out to get something done it is done as though it needed to be done yesterday.

I often set a time limit for myself. For example, this evening when I go to clean out an attic space I will allow myself exactly one hour for the job. I will tackle the biggest messes in that space and get done all that I can optimally in that hour. If I don’t set a time limit, I can see myself opening up bins and sorting through old memories, decorations, and things that need more time than an hour to complete. The goal is to clean up the attic to make walking space. That can be done in an hour if I stay on task and work quickly during that time. If I take breaks, or deviate from the task at hand it won’t get done in that time period.

Setting the time limit and expectation with what exactly I plan to complete in that time limit gets me moving with urgency so that the job gets done efficiently.

8. Gourmet Meals are Taking a Break

Before my husband and I had kids we would leisurely make dinner together and the food was top notch. We would look up different recipes we wanted to try. We took the time to shop for special ingredients and make each dinner special and enjoyable. Things have changed now that we have three small kids. Most kids don’t appreciate gourmet anyway, so why waste the time, energy, or money. Our meals are quick, easy, and kid friendly. There are evenings when we feed the kids first and then enjoy a nicer meal after they are in bed.

However, most evenings we sit as a family and eat more basic meals. I buy bagged salads that require less preparation, meals that come in kits, and frozen meals that are simply put in the oven and baked. It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy doing gourmet meals for my family every night, it’s that I have decided it’s not a priority since the effort is basically wasted on the kids and I end up frustrated that they don’t appreciate the effort. Less effort means less frustration when they refuse to eat the meal and they end up with a bowl of cereal at the end of the night.

Doing easy, kid friendly meals does not mean you need to sacrifice quality or freshness either. There are plenty of home delivery options on the market today that will deliver pre-packaged meals with fresh ingredients making it easy to make a meal in under a half hour.

9. Be Honest about Time Waste

When you are sitting at a doctor office waiting for your appointment, how are you spending that time? Are you reading the latest gossip magazine or did you bring along some work to do while you wait? If you brought along work, you are winning! You can use that time to catch up on thank you notes, respond to emails, or update your to-do list, just to name a few good options.

Learn to take advantage of waiting time. Car line at school is another time when many parents have daily wait time. Make sure you have a plan for how to wisely use that time, so it is not wasted and then at 10 pm when you are laying in bed you remember several emails you forgot to respond to and you could have done so while in the car pick up line at school.

There are some ways that this era of parents is sucked into wasting time. How much time do you spend scrolling social media each day? Be honest with yourself and the amount of time you are spending online shopping, surfing the web, or on social media. We place limits on our kids with technology, why wouldn’t we do the same for ourselves so we too can optimize our time during the day?

10. Keep To-Do Lists and a Calendar

Keep a running to-do list that you carry with you in your purse or brief case. Keep it handy so when you think of something that needs to be done it gets added to the list. Things in life often don’t get done simply because they are forgotten. Life is full of a flurry of daily activities. We can only concentrate on what is in front of us. If you have a list, you can shift focus to do the activity later and it won’t simply be forgotten.

Don’t just write it down though. If it is a task that will require any substantial amount of time (even an hour or two), then schedule when you can get that done and block out the time on your calendar to get it done. Hoping that time will magically appear to get it done is not good planning, as hope is not a strategy. Write it on a to-do list and then schedule it on your calendar for completion.

Keep a calendar and take it with you wherever you go. Many people use their phone for keeping track of their schedule. I personally use a monthly paper calendar. That way I can see my entire month at a glance. When you are using your mind to keep track of your activities, it takes up too much time and energy. You are constantly trying to remember what you have planned for the day or in the next week. You have to mentally remind yourself about your activities so that you don’t forget anything important. Free up your mind for other things by using a calendar. Everyone needs a calendar, even stay at home moms. Keeping track of doctor appointments, birthdays, and household activities is important stuff. Don’t allow yourself to minimize your importance or the value of your role by not utilizing a calendar.

You Might Have Missed This Simple Way To Increase Your Work Performance

When it comes to productivity and time management, you’ve no doubt seen (and maybe) used some of the countless apps and tech tricks that are designed specifically to help with these life skills. Many people put all their faith in these external tools and techniques because the apps and tips are easily found on the internet. Some people seem addicted to trying out the latest ones. If you’re a regular reader of Lifehack, you’ll know that we have plenty of articles that feature these apps and tech tricks. All these techniques are useful, but if you’re not careful, you may forget one of the basics of productivity – your personal energy levels. On this point, I want to introduce to you the 3 Tiers of Productivity.1 These can be explained as a pyramid, with the base (and biggest part) made up of fundamentals, the middle part of psychology, and the apex (and also the smallest part) consisting of details. The fundamentals part is the least sexy, and therefore, typically attracts the least interest. However, it’s actually the most important part. Fundamentals refers to adequate sleep, a healthy diet, a clean environment, and knowing exactly what you’re going to do. In other words – how you manage your personal energy. If you’re not as productive as you’d like to be, then you may be lacking personal energy. Why Your Energy Levels Are Low, and Why This Matters If you’re like most people, you probably respond to rising demands in the workplace by putting in longer hours. However, this takes a toll on your physical, emotional and mental health. This inevitably leads to declining levels of engagement, increasing levels of distraction – and a significant dip in your productivity. As I mentioned in the introduction, once our productivity takes a hit, we gravitate towards “magical” tools and tricks to help us keep on track. But there’s a problem with this. Namely, that most of these tools and tricks focus almost exclusively on psychology and details. They fail to address the fundamentals, thus leaving us with an artificial, and oftentimes unsustainable boost in productivity. If you want to be a productivity superstar, then you need to get the fundamentals right. Luckily, there is a little-known method that can help you out with this. How Natural Cycles Help You Perform Better Most people aren’t aware that their personal energy is determined by natural cycles known as ultradian rhythms. These are recurrent periods or cycles that are repeated throughout a 24-hour day. When you work with instead of against the ultradian rhythms, you will perform better. When your energy levels are high, you can concentrate on the tasks at hand; when your energy levels hit rock bottom, this is the best time to rest.

How to Read Books You Aren't Interested in but Are Useful for You

Successful people read a lot. But they don’t just read anything and everything. They read specifically for self-improvement, education and success. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at these stats:1 Warren Buffett reads between 600 and 1,000 pages per day. Bill Gates reads about 50 books per year. Mark Cuban reads for more than three hours every day. Mark Zuckerberg read a book every two weeks throughout 2015. As I’ve already stated, these hugely-successful people don’t just read anything, instead they self-educate and self-motivate through reading high-quality content.2

Fiction Books Have Stolen the Spotlight People like Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are prolific readers of books that help them to improve their skills, knowledge and understanding. But the average person appears to have little interest in reading self-improvement books. If you look back at decades of book sales, you’ll see that fiction books tend to be much more popular than self-improvement books. 70% of the Amazon Best Sellers in 2016 are fictions including Fiction books are designed and written in such a way as to impel you to continue reading them. There’s a hook or cliffhanger in every chapter that keeps you focused on reading until the last page, so that you can find out what happens next – and what happens at the end. On the other hand, non-fiction books in the self-improvement field are intended to help you solve a problem or reach a specific goal. In most cases, these types of books are not written in story form rendering them less attractive to the majority of readers. A lack of storytelling in self-improvement books leads many people to believe that the books are dull or difficult to read and understand. Do you recognize yourself in the last sentence? If you do, then the good news is that you’ve most likely being picking the wrong type of self-improvement books for you. For example, if you’re fascinated by space exploration, but choose to read a technical-heavy, scientific book on the subject – you’ll quickly lose interest. However, if you chose a book that is easier to understand, say an autobiography of a NASA astronaut, you’ll probably love the book – and boost your interest in space exploration. You could also think of it this way, you’ve just stated to learn piano, but someone’s given you an advanced piano music sheet. Not only will you struggle with the sheet but it may put you off piano playing for life. It’s All About Picking the Right Self-Improvement Books So, what’s the secret to choosing the right level of non-fiction book? Firstly, you need to have some context. That could be a problem you want to solve – or a goal you want to achieve. For instance, if you’re not planning on being an entrepreneur, then you’re unlikely to understand or enjoy the context of a book like High Output Management – even though it’s a highly-recommended self-improvement book.

The Best Way to React When Someone Is Shouting at You in Anger

Yelling is a topic relevant to every person on this planet because everyone has raised their voice in anger during their lifetime. Some people yell on a regular basis, but we are all guilty of yelling at some point in life. There are ways to react to a yeller that will help diffuse them, rather than continue to escalate the situation. Yelling is not healthy for relationships and its results do not yield long term positive results. A person may acquiesce to a yeller at the moment to get them to stop yelling, but once things get back to normal, they typically revert back, because the yelling hasn’t changed their mindset long term. For example, a Mom who yells at her kids to pick up their toys may actually result in the kids picking up their toys in that moment. However, it won’t change their mindset that they should pick up their toys consistently. Kids will learn to pick up if they have been conditioned with a reward or punishment system and they recognize the importance and value of picking up their toys. Yelling is damaging to relationships. It is not a constructive way to deal with a difficult situation, yet every person engages in yelling. Some more than others. You should be aware of your own yelling, understand why some people are constant yellers, and also know how to deal with a yeller. When someone is constantly yelling at you in life, they are displaying emotional tyranny over you. Their goal is to gain an upper hand in the situation and the yelling is their means of gaining control over you. It is a form of intimidation. The yelling may work temporarily. However, the long term sustainability of the results from yelling is not good, because it is a way of bullying someone into getting them to do what the yeller wants done. Yelling is not healthy for relationships, in fact it breaks down healthy communications and the closeness of relationships. Why Do People Yell? “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain When someone is angry and they are yelling, there are a variety of reasons that they are yelling. Most reasons why they are yelling are not good reasons for yelling, so it’s important that the recipient react correctly, which is more about not being reactive. It is important to understand why someone is yelling, because most often yelling is indicative of issues in that person’s core psyche that have nothing to do with the recipient of the yelling. Their yelling is a reflection of their emotional instability, even though their yelling is intended to show strength and dominance in the situation. Below are some of the reasons a person yells when angry: Poor coping skills Many people yell because it is their go-to coping mechanism in difficult situations. But this coping mechanism does not have good long term results. If a person is a yeller because it is how they have learned to cope in life, they need to get some help in finding better ways in regulating their emotions. They may be using emotional outburst as their way of coping in life and this is not healthy for them or the recipients of their outbursts. Loss of control A person may be a yeller because they feel a loss of control over the situation. They may be overwhelmed by the thoughts, feelings, and emotions and are experiencing a loss of control over all of these things at once. It is a big jumble of confusion to them, so they yell to try to get control over what they are experiencing. They lack proper coping skills to regain feeling of control over the situation and their surroundings, so they resort to yelling in order to feel that they are in control. They may get that feeling of control, but it is most often temporary, because most problems are not solved through yelling. A person may appear compliment to the yeller, simply to calm that person down, but in reality nothing has been solved for the long term. Feeling threatened Bullies are often people who have a very sensitive core emotional psyche and they are trying to protect that core. Anytime they think this core is being threatened they react. Yelling is one tool that they proactively use anytime they feel threatened. Aggressive tendencies Some people are simply aggressive individuals. They may yell and the aggression may escalate to a physical altercation. You rarely see a physical fight that doesn’t begin with raised voices, shouting, or yelling. If someone is yelling at you and you don’t know this person well, you should be on your guard that the yelling can lead to a physical confrontation. It is important to avoid reacting in an aggressive manner to someone who is an aggressive yeller, because it is like pouring fuel onto the fire of their anger and things can become physical. It is likely to become physical if they have these tendencies and you mirror their yelling. Learned behavior Some people become yellers because they grew up in a household where their parents yelled on a regular basis. They learned that when conflicts arise, so do voices. They haven’t learned proper coping behaviors when they are faced with conflict and difficult situations. Yelling has always been their go-to reaction to situations in which they find any sort of turmoil. Feeling neglected Some people raise their voices and yell in anger because they feel the other person is not listening to them. They may have even repeated their message several times and finally they resort to yelling in anger because the other person had not responded to their other tone of voice. This is often the case of yelling while parenting. Parents feel their kids aren’t listening, so rather than continually repeating themselves, they yell at their kids. The problem is that this actually scares children. Yelling in anger is also very damaging to children and research shows that it can be just as harmful as physical abuse. If you want to know how to calm your children when they are yelling, read this: The Only Effective Way to Talk With Children When They Are Acting Out Reactions to Avoid with a Yeller The worst possible reaction to a yeller is to mirror their behavior. Things do not go well if you yell at someone who is yelling at you. The situation escalates when both people engage in yelling. There are other reactions that can escalate the situation which should also be avoided and include: baiting the yeller, challenging what they are saying, acting defensive, and criticizing the person during the confrontation. There are better ways to deal with a yeller. Below are the steps you should use to handle and hopefully diffuse a yeller. 1. Stay calm and don’t feed into their anger. Remember that when a person is yelling, it is not you that has the problem, it is them. They have poor coping skills or another reason for yelling that has nothing to do with you personally. If you react they will react to your reaction and things will continue to escalate. Remain calm, even if you are seething on the inside. It is not worth feeding into their yelling, as the situation will just get worse and things are rarely resolved when two parties are yelling at one another. Problems are more likely to be solved when calm tones are being used. Be a part of the solution and not the problem by remaining calm and using a calm tone of voice. 2. Take a mental step back to assess the situation. Before taking any action in the situation, pause mentally to assess things. This will allow you to figure out whether it is worth waiting out the yeller or to leave the situation. If you are being yelled at by a casual acquaintance and you don’t care if you offend them by walking away from them, then by all means walk away. You don’t have to subject yourself to someone’s abuse and mistreatment if they are not important to your life. If it’s your boss yelling at you and you know that walking away while your boss is yelling mid sentence may cost you your job, maybe you need to think about waiting it out and address the yelling with the boss later if it is a constant occurrence and it is now disruptive to your ability to work effectively. 3. Do not agree with the yeller to diffuse them, as it encourages future yelling. If you agree with the yeller to diffuse them and subsequently agree to do something or say something that they are asking, you are condoning their yelling. By being agreeable to someone who is yelling at you, it only encourages them to yell at you to get their way in the future. Avoid this type of diffusing method, it will come back to bite you again in the future and you will find yourself subject to their yelling more often. 4. Calmly address the yelling. In most instances when someone is yelling at you, your emotions are evoked and you feel the need to react. Reacting with yelling, criticism, or other negative responses will escalate the situation, you need to do everything in your power to reel in your thoughts and feelings so you can address the real problem, which is their yelling. Let the person know that you will not accept being yelled at, regardless of the situation or problem. Say this politely and calmly, and you are more likely to have a positive reaction, such as an apology or at least make them aware that they are in fact yelling. Some people don’t even realize they are yelling. Then your next step is to ask for a break away from this person. 5. Ask for a break from this person. After you have calmly addressed the yelling, the next step is to request that you take a break from this person to think. You may also need the time to calm down yourself, as their yelling has caused your adrenaline to rise sky high and you don’t know how much longer you can hold it all inside. When you are asking for a break from the person, it should be more of a statement than a question, especially if it’s not your boss. If it’s a spouse, friend, or someone else, it is completely acceptable to state that you need a break and time (a few minutes, a day, or whatever YOU need) to think things through in order to respond appropriately and calmly. 6. When you feel your emotions have calmed down, and you know how to address whatever it was they were yelling about, you can now go back to talk to the person. Give yourself time to process the situation, what was said, and how you want to respond. For some situations, for example an in-law relationship, this can take a few days as emotions can take longer to de-escalate. If it’s a boss and you know you can’t sit on the issue for long because there are deadlines or your job at stake, then use some calming techniques such as deep breathing or visualization methods to process the situation more quickly, so you can get back to them sooner than later. Here’re 3 Deep Breathing Exercises recommendations for you. Moving Forward on Better Terms Because you have taken the time to let the person know that the yelling is not acceptable and you took time away from the person immediately following the yelling, the person is less likely to yell at you now. If they want to move forward with the subject, they will need to remain calm in order to discuss the topic with you. Not only are you standing up for yourself and showing this person you will not be emotionally abused, you are also helping them to see that their behavior is not acceptable. If more people did this when someone yelled at them, we all would be more conditioned to avoid yelling in the first place. If the yelling is something that has been habitual and your new course of actions have not changed their behavior, it is perhaps time to ask them for a sit down to discuss their yelling. When you have the sit down let the person know how the yelling affects you. For example, you feel deeply sad after a yelling episode and don’t want to be around them for a while. Also let them know how it affects your relationship. For example, that it creates an emotional chasm between you and them. If they respond with “that’s just who I am” let them know that its not acceptable. Some people also don’t know how to change their behavior. Professional help (such as therapy, counseling, or anger management classes) are available for people who have issues with yelling. They need to recognize that the problem is affecting their relationship and change is needed in order to heal the relationship. Yelling causes damage, so don’t allow them to continue to damage you or your relationship by tolerating their yelling.

A Trap That Successful People Will Fall Into and Instantly Become Losers

Sometimes people ask me “what the most dangerous trait in leadership” is. I think they often expect answers like “They take to severe risks” or “the inability to adapt” and yes, these are dangerous traits. But they aren’t what I say, instead, to me, the worst traits a leader can have are: severe self doubt or the opposite, hubris. Essentially, thinking everything that happens to you is down to other people because you are either too confident about yourself (and thus are blind to any problems), or not confident enough (and thus see problems where there are none). Hubris can make anyone fall victim to the biggest trap on the road to success. It can blind someone to any of their faults, or faults in their company or idea. A person with hubris will believe that any problems they face are only down to others, and never themselves. This lack of awareness can make even the strongest fall empires fall. The Trap of Hubris Think about Alexander the Great, considered by many to be one of the greatest commanders in history. Before he reached thirty years of age, he had conquered most of the known world, from Greece to India. He never lost a battle. However his successes made him arrogant, and suspicious of others. He stopped listening to any of his advisers and the demands of his troops.

At one point, after pushing his men relentlessly for ten years, they demanded that they return home. As he refused to consider the needs of his men, his expanding empire came to a sudden halt somewhere in the desert. His arrogance was so bad that he often refused to delegate responsibilities to others, so when he died, he didn’t name a successor. Because of this, his empire crumbled away. Countless people throughout history have aspired to be like Alexander, but I consider his story to be a warning. Signs of Falling Into the Trap Hubris isn’t always obvious. After all, hubris, at times when things are going well can be mistaken for sheer self confidence (which unlike hubris can be positive). However, hubris becomes clear when things start to go wrong. I have done my best, but they haven’t. Imagine that you are the manager of a successful company. One day, a few extremely skilled and high performing employees decide to leave your company. What would you do? The hubristic person will convince themselves that the good employees are the ones with the problem, they’d think that the company will be better off without them, and as such will develop an even more arrogant and uncaring attitude. This in turn will mean more and more employees will leave.

If You Have These 6 Struggles, You're Highly Intelligent

Most people regard highly intelligent people as super humans who have it all figured out simply because their brains can help them in any life situation and they don’t have to struggle with the problems of the ordinary people. Yet, the reality is quite different, as no matter how intelligent someone may be, they are, at the end of the day, just human. They struggle with issues somewhat different than those of the rest of the world, but still challenging and difficult. If you are a highly intelligent person, these struggles and the lack of understanding from peers can leave you feeling lonely. Maybe your friends and family don’t seem to be mindful of your feelings. In order to help you feel acknowledged and understood, here are some of your most common struggles. 1. Small talk exhausts you It can be quite a challenge for you to be involved in small talk about ordinary things. This is because your brain is overwhelmed with great ideas. Topics that interest you likely include science, art, philosophy, and those are rarely found in small talk. This makes you feel like you are wasting your time trapped in a suffocating, never-ending list of socially acceptable set phrases. All you really want is a like-minded individual to bounce ideas around with about the important stuff. 2. You think more than you speak As your brain is wired to look for all possible solutions and answers to a problem, it may take you more time than a person of average intelligence to give your opinion or draw a conclusion. Moreover, if you are not completely sure you’ve got the right answer or a brilliant idea, you won’t speak at all. Your struggle lies in the fact that most people around you are not familiar with the way your thought process works, and they get confused or regard you as weird, introverted, or uninterested. 3. Your job can easily bore you The need for your brain to be constantly challenged with new, greater ideas and projects can turn your once exciting job into ordinary and boring as you exhaust all ways to be creative with it. This can turn into a day-to-day struggle to finish your tasks. Additionally, in most cases, your boss isn’t so sympathetic to your longings and just wants the job done. 4. You sometimes have action paralysis It is hard to be a thinker in a world full of go-getters that appreciate action more than great ideas. As you are too consumed with different ideas, you may at times be missing the action impulse. Unfortunately, people tend to mistake this trait as laziness which leaves you feeling underappreciated. 5. You are considered socially awkward As if those aren’t enough, your next struggle comes as a result of all the previous ones. If you are feeling uncomfortable during small talk, refrain from speaking if not sure, don’t get inspired by old and exhausted ideas, or if you feel more comfortable with ideas than execution, people tend to characterize you as socially awkward. Little do they know, this only puts more pressure on you making you feel more self-conscious about your social conduct. 6. It is hard for you to fall in love Finally, your quest for love is slightly more demanding than that of average people. Since you are much more cautious, analytical and independent than the rest, you tend to get mistaken for cold and high maintenance. Additionally, you can lack spontaneity at times, which makes your love interest, lose interest. However difficult your daily struggles may seem, you don’t need to let them immobilize you from growing. You can work on expressing yourself more to others so that they can get a better understanding of your needs. You will find some common ground.

If You Want an Invincible Team, Make Them Feel Safe

If you are a team leader, it is possible you may have come across one or more of the following problems: Members of your team rarely attend meetings, and if they do seem to be uninspired or lacking in energy. This can render meeting utterly useless. You may find that your team has trouble coming up with any new, interesting, or alternative ideas or solutions. There may be a real lack of critical thinking in your team. This can kill productivity. During meetings or discussions, some members may remain quiet, or if they do speak may allude to there being a problem somewhere,but never specify what it is. This may mean serious issues in your team may go unresolved, massively affecting the functioning of your team. If you want to see if your team agrees to something, you might feel that some are merely agreeing for the sake of agreement. This could be a real problem as these people might have great ideas. Any one of these can prove extremely problematic, more than one of these can be potentially disastrous. All is not lost however, these issues, and more, often stem from the same issue, and with that issue identified, it can be resolved. The issue is this, the team suffers from a lack of Psychological safety. What is psychological safety? Psychological safety is the (often shared) belief that the team is an environment where it is safe to take risks. To share ideas and speak openly without fear of criticism or ridicule. Years ago, Google began Project Aristotle,1 a project to determine how to engineer the most effective team possible. Google spent years studying 180 different teams in detail. Their research was so detailed that they even kept track of how often the team members ate together. In this project Google learned a great deal about how effective teams function. One thing that they noticed, is that key to almost all successful teams, is that they were environments of psychological safety. As each team member felt free to contribute and speak up, they became hotbeds of ideas, team members were much less likely to leave, and ultimately, were more successful. All because of psychological safety. Benefits of psychological safety The key benefit of psychological safety is that it fosters and encourages collaboration and interaction in the team. It can often be difficult to tell at first if an idea you have is any good. Someone may have a fantastic idea but might not speak up about it out of fear that they will be embarrassed. If your team is in an environment that people feel comfortable to speak freely in, they will naturally begin to produce ideas. Some ideas will be better than others of course (but even bad ones may be improved in an effective team). Ten bad or mediocre ideas are better than no ideas at all. In psychologically safe teams, people won’t fear making mistakes so much, and with this, even if they make mistakes, they’ll be more likely to learn from them, increasing their future effectiveness. Consider brainstorming, (or even improv comedy!), the reason why it’s so popular, is because they foster psychologically safe environments. Think about it, in an effective brainstorming session, every member of the team is contributing, soon you might have dozens of ideas and plans made where before you only had a handful. Sure not all of these ideas may be workable, but their sheer existence demonstrates that each member of the team feels they can contribute, they feel included. However, if before one person came up with a bad idea that was shot down and overly criticized, they may be less likely to speak up in the future, even if they have a potentially groundbreaking idea. As such, it’s difficult to go wrong with a psychologically safe team. All that is needed is for people to feel that they can speak up, even voice criticisms if they have them. People will engage in a team more if they feel a part of it, and that they are shaping it, and who knows, maybe in their critique is an idea that will massively increase the effectiveness, and with it, the success of your team. But where do you start? It all starts with you. Psychological safety is not something that can appear organically by itself out of nowhere. If the team environment is not psychologically safe, then the team leader must work hard to make it a safe environment. Here are some tips to get you on your way: Lead by example. Become a model of what you think the ideal team member should be, if nobody else speaks, ask people things, keep encouraging people to interact with the group. Make sure this is done in a friendly way though, otherwise people might only say what they think you want them to say. Essentially, ask a lot of questions. Don’t cut off conversation. If someone is speaking, or a few people have a good conversation going, let it flow naturally. To cut off the conversation will give the impression that people are not allowed to speak freely, and thus you’ll be back at square one. If speak following something, make sure to summarize it in your own words, and if you think you misunderstood what some one says, ask for clarification. This will demonstrate that you are listening and care about what they have to say. Never respond judgmentally. If someone feels that you are critical of their opinion, they will no longer give it, and thus the environment will once again become a psychologically unsafe one. Don’t be an overlord. It is important to come across as someone who makes mistakes, someone human. Even something as simple as saying, “sorry, I might have missed something” will help build a stronger connection with your team members than if you just used your authority. It’s game over if your team members begin to resent working too. With these tips you should be well on your way to making your team a more effective, dynamic, and more successful than it has ever been.